I am FAT

So I've had this frequent occurrence lately where people seriously have been calling me fat. No matter how kindly they try to put it, its like a handicap people awkwardly observe and freely announce. Many people ask me how that makes me feel-to be called fat with the physique that I've got. I'm not self conscious (just yet) about myself nor my body and I strive to just say Hey It Is What It Is but when people start calling you fat and you have less than 10% body fat its sort of frustrating considering the amount of time I put in at the gym.

I work out religiously and have stubbornly come to the point where I finally embrace that even if I work out for 5 hours a day I can't eat yodels and burgers after my work outs and expect to achieve the goals I have for my physique. My abdominals are like bears in hibernation and the fat on top is like a cold winters frozen temperatures. I will not have flawless (fatless rather) abs until the winters air ( a new diet is Spring weather ) thaws and I get 95% discipline in my diet.

Like being called fat another constant in my NY life is the question of how intensely do I want to be a model. The answer determines the effort I'm willing to put forth to make success a reality. While there's a lot of bad in the industry the small percentage of good almost makes it worth the constant negativity. Working with designers and aspiring photographers is an enlightening experience.

I once used to be in love with art whether it be music or simple drawing. As life has passed reality has flooded my thought process with distraction from my artistic endeavors and now there is a serious diminished interest which is sad. When I see an emerging designer or up and coming photographer an attractive characteristic I observe is the heart filled passion they put into their work. Creating a new piece for the line or contemplating a new concept to shoot is just as exciting to them as a child opening the first gift at their birthday party and that reminds me of my days of passion and enthusiasm. Sure I put a lot of effort into modeling but my passion for it is not there, my enthusiasm for New York City has faded, I've reached the point where one seeking something new relocates their residence and acquires the "geographical fix".

I was recently on a shoot with a female model from Finland and we were chatting of traveling and moving around the world. We both agreed that we as humans most always want what we can't have and that it is very necessary to incorporate variety into your life especially in regards to travel. Now that the streets of New York aren't new I seek a change. I do not foresee another opportunity to get a geographical fix in the near future so I shall incorporate more variety into my life.

There will always be constants but a great way to add variety to my boring (and one of the benefits of modeling-shooting with new people all the time) is to add to my network of acquaintances. Every day I email many people I don't know and either introduce myself so that they may consider me for future projects (whether they be designers or photographers) or inquire with stylists or hair and make up artists to see if they're interested in testing (shooting) with me. I suppose you could say I'm an explorer and since most of the earth has already been discovered I opt to explore people and sift through the good and the bad. Since I cannot travel as much as I'd like I suppose something I am semi passionate about is meeting new people and seeing where our relationship leads me to.

It could be a casting director for a shoot whom I shot with that calls me up randomly months after a shoot to see if I'm available that day for a last minute project or a photographer that I haven't heard from in ages that remembered our test and wanted to see if I'd be interested in another collaboration, you never know where a good first impression/encounter could lead. So-Look at this-in this one writing I've realized that I still have a passion in modeling indirectly and its through the adventures it lures me into...brilliant