FORD Models

So two days ago I was complaining to Kirt how it felt as if my modeling career had hit a road block. Boss Models said fashion week is out of the question and the castings continue to be limited and unsuccessful. My extended hours at the gym wear on my endurance and optimism and I need some source of hope, some vision of the light at the end of the tunnel. As I was strolling through Central Park around 4:20 listening to "Shine on you crazy Diamond" I got a text from Kirt asking me to send him some photos.

The first shot I sent him was a terribly terrifying photo I had taken while at the gym on the stationary bicycle earlier that day with a facial pose beautiful enough to be in a porno for those with downs syndrome. After I chuckled over the responding text of "OMG" I continued to send a few photos that were not worthy of killing Medusa. Dear Kirt was sending the photos to a booker at Ford Models who at the conclusion of his delivery asked to meet me. So the next day I was to meet at FORD for 11 am.

As with any other day I started it off with a small bowl of oatmeal and a fat scoop of Nutella ( I know, BAD MODEL ) and then departed for the gym. Worked up a little sweat, pumped the arms up, and then hit the showers to shave my five o'clock shadow away revealing my boyish beauty. My timing was set to be perfect; leave at 10:20, grab a protein shake for energy, and then head south to the agency for a flawless arrival time of 10:57.

Well the protein shake bar was packed and while I was patiently waiting in line it gave me much time to contemplate the shake I would consume. "Berry Blast" or "Peanut butter and Jelly"? What to do?! The customer on deck is ordering and you don't know what you want. SHIT. What am I gonna get?!? I don't want anything too fattening though I do want something uber tasty AND energizing. Wow, this is stressful (I can hear the jeopardy music countdown in the background). "What would you like sir?" I replied...I'll take the Peanut Butter and Jelly with an extra scoop of peanut butter (ItS AU NATURALE) and a scoop of energy protein.

My escape from the gym was later than anticipated so with my shake in hand I hastily made my way to the 6 train and boarded. BEE DOO WE ARE BEING DELAYED DUE TO TRAIN TRAFFIC AHEAD, PLEASE BE PATIENT. Patient? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm about to go to FORD, the world known agency where I was requested to come in to potentially be brought on board and you, you drive subway cars and tell people whom you have no idea of their situation to be patient?!? You're not going to tell a woman who's water broke to be patient so don't tell me to be patient, bitch!

We make it to 59th street and the doors stay open...blaa blaa blaa PLEASE BE PATIENT. This is my chance to transfer to the express train but its all the way down 8 flights of stairs and what if I'm waiting forever? What if I fall down the stairs and smash my face in ruining my modeling career?! What if I spill my protein shake?!?! Before I could finish my legitimate concerns I was sprinting down the stairs, passengers started leisurely riding the escalator in my opposite direction so I knew a train was at the station, DOUBLE TIME! Maneuvering through the last patrons on the train I squeeze through the closing doors and take a deep breath of air conditioned satisfaction, I had made the express train.

I walked into Ford at 11:03 and patiently awaited my potential new booker. She showed me around the agency and brought me into an unused room where my book was reviewed. "Well you've got an interesting look. How tall are you?" I was measured, introduced to all the bookers, and then had some photos taken. My phone number was written down and I was informed that I would get a call this week. I left the agency with an uncertainty that did not bother me. My decision was to take the much repeated advice of various peoples close to me "be patient" and see if my phone would ring over the next few days.

I walked down to the pier where I go to contemplate and fortunately I was the only one there. While I was admiring the beauty of the Hudson my phone rang, AHHHHHH, its FORD asking me to sign a multi million dollar contract and they want to send me to Milan, Paris, and Tokyo tonight-or so I dreamed. It was a man named Ron who was looking for an assistant in his loft bed business.

This was one of my random finds on craigslist. Loft bed designer and creator seeking assistant to learn the trade and work alongside with. I figured itd take me to interesting spaces in the city, teach me some handyman skills, and be a hell of a lot better than dancing around in Abercrombie & Fitch for hours making shit money. I was interrogated to assure the man on the other end that I was not a crackhead and truly who I said I was in the introductory email I had sent. Then he asked if i were free later that afternoon to start working for him. I told him that I had a casting but that it was not as significant as working for him and that I'd forget the casting to work with him.

We met in Williamsburg and he was not exactly whom I was expecting to see show up. An older man in his 60's, short, and slightly overweight. I suppose I expected to see some young entrepreneur carpenter type, whatever.

I learned quickly that he enjoys smoking cigarettes often and he's full of conversation. We had the lumber delivered to the site and hauled it to the elevator then the clients apartment. Construction had begun!

Not too far into the work we took our dinner break. You know you've got a good boss when he pays you while you eat and also pays for the meal! We had barbecue meats and a coke-not very model conscious but it was better than getting the deli food from the corner store. Dinner concluded and we finished up the loft bed. By the time we had ended I was handing him whatever he needed and was virtually one step ahead of him proving that I was catching on to the blatantly simple process.

7 hours logged and I earned $100, dinner, and a secure spot on future jobs with the old fellow. LEGIT. After a long day and night I decided to cut sleep short and hit the gym for an early session prior to my fitting-good idea fat ass!