I've found myself in extreme boredom at times when the supply is low. Boredom leads to contemplation and new methods. Craigslist has brought me much success as well as many interesting scenarios though scenarios never related to bud until recently. One day I was browsing the "strictly platonic" section and found a woman looking for a friend/source. Her and her husband were the inquirers and inevitably their children came along. One a baby and one close to 5 or 6 years of age. My standard for right and wrong diminished with my survival instincts and what I would normaly call a fucked up family I now accept as my friends.
Last night I was laying on my bed in the gruesome heat of the summer sifting through stem and seed when my phone rang. It was the above mentioned "husband". I explained how I was dry and hadn't burned in over a week and what do you know, he came to my rescue. He explained how he was on his way to re up and could easily scoop me before hand. Like a survivor coming out of a prison camp after liberation I exuded from my house and into his beater SUV. There's a slight satisfaction whenever I get into a car now, like I'm escaping my immediate monotonous routine with a simple drive.
Since I'm not familiar with the area, whenever I get driven around I'm almost awestruck by all the new things I am seeing. We went to some grimy parts of Springfield and pulled into a driveway. Talk about whiggers. Two white boys sitting on the trunk of an older caddy in bright white T-Shirts, practically matching over sized denim shorts, and then a mix of dirty NIKEs and JORDAN sandals...all the while puffin an L. We pull up and one of em comes to the window and drops in a sac, "husband" hands the money over, and we pull away. "I could go to the Mexicans and get the same shit for cheaper but I'd rather support the white man."
Clear sign that "husband" isn't the brightest seeing how those whiggers prob bought it from the "Mexicans". After I inspect the substance we cruise through some more new streets until we make it to the highway. I had never been to "husbands" "place" before and now I know why. I don't like to judge people because I don't like when others judge me but I certainly will make an observation. "husband and Wife" are living with their two kids in a hotel. Two beds, a crib, a bunch of their shit, and a make shift cooking area. My immediate thought was, wow.
It is what it is. I pushed over an empty cigarette pack and then a stack of papers before sitting on their bed. The little daughter was attempting to sleep on the other bed...this made me feel awkward but again I am not one to judge. "Wife" is on the computer in the corner looking up facts online. I forgot to preface the mindset of these love bugs. They are over informed and more than willing to voice what they read about our government and its faults and "conspiracies". Again, I don't judge because I don't know what is the truth so I listen with an open, censored mind. She told me about GM foods and how the corn in the product basically fucked up some rats in a test...this began the explanation of how everyone will die or some shit...I think after a certain point my ears closed off and my autopilot acknowledgement kicked in.
I wanted to blaze and I got what I wanted without asking...
A motel next to a truck stop/weigh station. Where the trucks are running all night and the hum of traffic from the highway is endless. There is an eerily calm feel from the haze in the air due to the endless rain the area can't seem to escape yet at this moment, it has ceased.
Sometimes I question why I am here, what is my purpose. In retrospect when I look at everything I've done and where I've found myself sometimes I wonder who the fucks sick idea was it to create life.
Sigh.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Denting trucks with bare hands-March 6,7,8-BLAST FROM THE PAST
Not remembering how you got home the night before and walking into work with your coworker laughing is not a good sign. I got to work and was asked if I was feeling better with the sort of facial expression which hints I was a mess. "We had to pick you up off the bar" alright from now on no more jager bombs before 1 a.m. especially because I work at a gay bar. Being the only straight guy there makes for interesting, humorous, and sometimes awkward evenings. Though I cannot say that I'd want to work a different part time job as a replacement for what I have now.
This Saturday night was pretty mellow and it's always nice when a slow pace of customers doesn't affect the tip out at the end of the night. Both of the bartenders who were off decided to come in to drink which is always a good time. I made my first shots behind the bar and enjoyed a few chocolate cake shots throughout the night. I said no jager bombs before 1 but all others are still game. The only drama was in the beginning where an intoxicated beyond necessity of limits man stormed out of the bar and punched a dent into a truck...I was like FUCK if that was my face I'd be OUT.
Doors close and as always staff goes down into the quarry AKA THE DUNGEON to wait for the actual closing AKA late night shots slash burn sesh on occasion. Ended up getting 45 cash money for tips and the manager paid me cash for my check so I left with a buck fourty five SON. I tried the food thing across the street and the steak and cheese was shitty like a piece of shit in a latrine.
Sunday = wake and bake = all day with MAYBE a lil gym later
This Saturday night was pretty mellow and it's always nice when a slow pace of customers doesn't affect the tip out at the end of the night. Both of the bartenders who were off decided to come in to drink which is always a good time. I made my first shots behind the bar and enjoyed a few chocolate cake shots throughout the night. I said no jager bombs before 1 but all others are still game. The only drama was in the beginning where an intoxicated beyond necessity of limits man stormed out of the bar and punched a dent into a truck...I was like FUCK if that was my face I'd be OUT.
Doors close and as always staff goes down into the quarry AKA THE DUNGEON to wait for the actual closing AKA late night shots slash burn sesh on occasion. Ended up getting 45 cash money for tips and the manager paid me cash for my check so I left with a buck fourty five SON. I tried the food thing across the street and the steak and cheese was shitty like a piece of shit in a latrine.
Sunday = wake and bake = all day with MAYBE a lil gym later
Friday the thirteenth-March-BLAST FROM THE PAST
Thursday night: 8 pm to midnight = sleep, midnight to midnight O 1 = text bartender my apologies, midnight O 1 to 8 a.m. I slept
Friday: Arriving now to speak with the manager about my NO SHOW NO CALL wasn't worrying just an unpleasant feeling. My job security seems to be pretty solid though I mustn't eat my eggs before they hatch. My boss didn't seem to be upset and when I told him that it would never happen again and that he had my word he gave me one of those OKs that I can appreciate. When you give a person a sincere statement and they actually give you a chance to prove your sincerity it really earns some respect in my book. So the night began and the bartender whom I would have bar backed for gave me a greeting and sarcastically said " don't talk to me, we're through". It really made me laugh, gay guys really humor me and not in a "oh look at that gay fag" kinda way but a "wow dude your personality is hilarious". I don't look at gay people in a negative way but I definitely look at them differently.
Think about it. Biologically man and woman were made for each other. Psychologically though I believe it was never set in stone. Dependent on the belief as to what one feels created us, we all have our separate opinions on the reasoning for homosexuality. Never the less I never let the homosexual thing get in between my chance of creating an acquaintance or friend. The deal breaking is when respect and boundaries are neglected to be used towards me. I'm experimenting now with this, more to come later.
So it wasn't very interesting and at first I said I would only drink water as my energy levels were on E and I was beating my body the whole week. I did get a water and then a chocolate cake shot....absolut citron and frangelico taken with the prior practice of covering a lemon wedge in sugar and biting into it. Taste just like chocolate cake and believe me, I didn't think it was true at first either but seeing is believing. The senior security was watching and prompting the ID checks so I just took pace and checked everyone who looked under 30. Due to the age difference between those who work at my bar, I'm doubted on my age verification skills. But I'm younger and can tell who's older they are older and can't really tell who's younger. HAH I see how that may sound hypocritical but hey, it is what it is.
I was shown how to use the register downstairs and in the hour and a half I was on it probably had 10 customers...I can't imagine how this is going to be in the summer time. Virtually right after I got up from the register to the door I was greeted by tony and that woke me right up. Some what nauseous I questioned his cut but none the less it worked. Slow night, slow sales, NO FUCKING TIP.
paycheck cashed though I think that was the managers scheme....pay me my check in cash early so I don't focus on the no tip for the night...no worries though I know I'm getting my hourly anyway and am thankful to have such a humorous relatively easy job.
Friday: Arriving now to speak with the manager about my NO SHOW NO CALL wasn't worrying just an unpleasant feeling. My job security seems to be pretty solid though I mustn't eat my eggs before they hatch. My boss didn't seem to be upset and when I told him that it would never happen again and that he had my word he gave me one of those OKs that I can appreciate. When you give a person a sincere statement and they actually give you a chance to prove your sincerity it really earns some respect in my book. So the night began and the bartender whom I would have bar backed for gave me a greeting and sarcastically said " don't talk to me, we're through". It really made me laugh, gay guys really humor me and not in a "oh look at that gay fag" kinda way but a "wow dude your personality is hilarious". I don't look at gay people in a negative way but I definitely look at them differently.
Think about it. Biologically man and woman were made for each other. Psychologically though I believe it was never set in stone. Dependent on the belief as to what one feels created us, we all have our separate opinions on the reasoning for homosexuality. Never the less I never let the homosexual thing get in between my chance of creating an acquaintance or friend. The deal breaking is when respect and boundaries are neglected to be used towards me. I'm experimenting now with this, more to come later.
So it wasn't very interesting and at first I said I would only drink water as my energy levels were on E and I was beating my body the whole week. I did get a water and then a chocolate cake shot....absolut citron and frangelico taken with the prior practice of covering a lemon wedge in sugar and biting into it. Taste just like chocolate cake and believe me, I didn't think it was true at first either but seeing is believing. The senior security was watching and prompting the ID checks so I just took pace and checked everyone who looked under 30. Due to the age difference between those who work at my bar, I'm doubted on my age verification skills. But I'm younger and can tell who's older they are older and can't really tell who's younger. HAH I see how that may sound hypocritical but hey, it is what it is.
I was shown how to use the register downstairs and in the hour and a half I was on it probably had 10 customers...I can't imagine how this is going to be in the summer time. Virtually right after I got up from the register to the door I was greeted by tony and that woke me right up. Some what nauseous I questioned his cut but none the less it worked. Slow night, slow sales, NO FUCKING TIP.
paycheck cashed though I think that was the managers scheme....pay me my check in cash early so I don't focus on the no tip for the night...no worries though I know I'm getting my hourly anyway and am thankful to have such a humorous relatively easy job.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Monday
So I couldn't resist a mini L on my walk to the bus station. I mean what is a bus ride without a little puff before hand? The bus was pretty sick, I managed to score the handicap seat so I had twice as much leg room, if not more than everyone else. I arrived at the framingham bus terminal and departed that wretched land submarine!
Gramma Pat was to pick me up and was no where to be seen so I ventured into the shoe store. Nothing. We meet up and go to Olive Garden for dinner. Steak tip-alfredo is pretty bomb but I only ate half and managed to leave the other half in Shanes car. After dinner I went to Barnes and Noble for the innevitable fathers day gift, a Portishead CD. Good choice if you ask me. Then G-Pat and I waited for Matty to scooop me and bring me to the dirty boro. We burned, discussed, and departed. Kid seems mad stressed with the life he can't get away from...fuck kids.
After that, I met up with Franky and Shane in the tiny ass integra to burn it down and chill until I had to meet up with others. Marlboro gets old fast. I didn't get to meet up with everyone I had hoped to see but shit happens. So I make it back home for 9 and my parents and I head up to OOB.
I wandered downtown and went to one of my favorite places to watch the celtics last year and because my hair is mad different than the mohawk in my ID no one believed I was RANDALL HARRIS. but I managed to get my heinekin and left immediately following the last sip due to the fact that the bar was fillin up with oldie folks. I walk down to the pier and get grilled by the bouncer yet again but make it through the security forces. Some cover band playin shit like Foo fighters and other rock shit, decent.
I go up to the bar to ask the bartender for a red stripe and he said good choice. I asked him if the majority of his customers ordered Bud Light and he just starting laughing in agreement. We dapped it up and I carried on watching the band. I was mindin my own business and this cutie walked up with jello shots. How could I decline?
I asked her if I could get her a shot and she replied with, " I'd love one but I'm only 20". So I pull out a 10 and say, I'll take two...keep the change. Gotta get some baller attitudes out every once in a while. The band was over at 12:30 and I accepted the early night and meandered home. Passed out on the downstairs couch and woke up around 8 o clock to check the surf.
On my way down, I saw Mike in front of his house and we chatted for a bit. He told me not even to waste my time going down and to hurry up and get my gear to surf cuz I only had like an hour left of good swell. So I run to my house and gear up. On my way back down I see mike and tiff waitin for me, offering to give me a ride down in their pick up. Can't turn down a ride so we all make it to the beach and the surf was beautiful. I went right in and about 20 minutes later Mike appeared next to me. We got a good hour or two in and to make it perfect, the sun came out.
It's those kind of days that remind you of your love for surfing. Beautiful Waist high waves, clean, sunny. So we call it a session and get out of the water cuz high tide hit and the swell ceased to be worthy of our presence. I make it back to my place and change up.
I figured I would walk down to the surf shop to see what was going on and on my way down I saw mike again. I offered to help him demo his shed he had in the backyard. Stoucer showed up and we went to town on the remaining pieces of the shed. After about an hour and a half of destruction we were finished. Mike had to be at a wedding for 2 and at that point it was only like 11:30 so we decided we should surf it up again. This time mike invites his brother Greg and his buddy Jay. Eventually shit gets organized and the 5 of us are rollin down to the beach.
we all get in and have a great session. Prob spent a good hour and a half in the water and all of us tore up the swell. So after that mike bounced and I headed up to my crib to rinse my gear and chill. Spun up another mini and headed downtown. I was headed towards the surfshop when I noticed Nikita and her gay friend. She told me that they all get fucked up with some chinese kids and showed them how to shotgun last night. I showed no sign of jealousy as I don't know any chinese folk so I didn't know what I was missing?
I eventually make it to the shop and amber tells me about the bon fire that was goin down that night. I walk back downtown. Grab some BILLS pizza. Walk through the arcade. Boredom again. So I make it back and the rents suggest we go out to dinner. it was an early dinner and JIMMY THE GREEKS sucks balls. After that, my father and I went down to the beach and I went in for a solid half hour.
By now the swell had almost doubled and I was paddling out through head high sets which is never pleasant after a long day of surfing. I rode two deisel waves and called it a day...especially cuz I got thrashed a few times paddling out. I was done.
So after I shower I spin another Lskie and head out to the bon fire. I get there around 8:30 and the raffle is already taking place. I meet stoucer, greg, jay, and one of their lifeguard friends to watch the end of the fire. We roll back to mikes because he said hed be back withint a half hour. So we get to the back deck and crack open some brews.
10 minutes later mike shows up and says damn I was missin the party, can I join? haha. so we all had quite a few brews, made a fire, and I was chatting to yet another new person, one of all their friends and we were talkin about our international travels. Also how I had managed to get that good good back from Amsterdam. It was a humorous time for all. Then we decided to head down to the night scene of OOB.
Drunken and walking we made it to the first bar and didn't even get a beer. So we leave cuz Greg said he'd be around soon and the rest of the dudes were down for waitin on the corner. I just left and got some pizza, a beer, and then on my way out of the arcade I saw them still waiting. So I was like fuck yeah I'll just grab a ride with them. Early night for the sake of all of us talkin about surfing early AM.
5 am rolls around and I walked down to the beach to see what we would be working with. Wash out. over the night the waves left our beach so it wasn't even worth it to go surfing. If I hadn't surfed so much the day before I would have just gone out but I was content with my surfing for the weekend. Shitty, cold, and rainy we decided to leave OOB early. Back in marlboro I called franky up and we participated in a lil burn cruise.
Parents took me to see Angels and Demons and as soon as I got home I felt like absolute shit. Fever, cough, sore throat, just shitty. I tried to sleep on the couch but I was sweating with chills, I could not get comfortable. Shittiness. 7 a.m. wake up and Chris drove me back to Springfield where I went directly to work.
Shitty now...but decent weekend
Gramma Pat was to pick me up and was no where to be seen so I ventured into the shoe store. Nothing. We meet up and go to Olive Garden for dinner. Steak tip-alfredo is pretty bomb but I only ate half and managed to leave the other half in Shanes car. After dinner I went to Barnes and Noble for the innevitable fathers day gift, a Portishead CD. Good choice if you ask me. Then G-Pat and I waited for Matty to scooop me and bring me to the dirty boro. We burned, discussed, and departed. Kid seems mad stressed with the life he can't get away from...fuck kids.
After that, I met up with Franky and Shane in the tiny ass integra to burn it down and chill until I had to meet up with others. Marlboro gets old fast. I didn't get to meet up with everyone I had hoped to see but shit happens. So I make it back home for 9 and my parents and I head up to OOB.
I wandered downtown and went to one of my favorite places to watch the celtics last year and because my hair is mad different than the mohawk in my ID no one believed I was RANDALL HARRIS. but I managed to get my heinekin and left immediately following the last sip due to the fact that the bar was fillin up with oldie folks. I walk down to the pier and get grilled by the bouncer yet again but make it through the security forces. Some cover band playin shit like Foo fighters and other rock shit, decent.
I go up to the bar to ask the bartender for a red stripe and he said good choice. I asked him if the majority of his customers ordered Bud Light and he just starting laughing in agreement. We dapped it up and I carried on watching the band. I was mindin my own business and this cutie walked up with jello shots. How could I decline?
I asked her if I could get her a shot and she replied with, " I'd love one but I'm only 20". So I pull out a 10 and say, I'll take two...keep the change. Gotta get some baller attitudes out every once in a while. The band was over at 12:30 and I accepted the early night and meandered home. Passed out on the downstairs couch and woke up around 8 o clock to check the surf.
On my way down, I saw Mike in front of his house and we chatted for a bit. He told me not even to waste my time going down and to hurry up and get my gear to surf cuz I only had like an hour left of good swell. So I run to my house and gear up. On my way back down I see mike and tiff waitin for me, offering to give me a ride down in their pick up. Can't turn down a ride so we all make it to the beach and the surf was beautiful. I went right in and about 20 minutes later Mike appeared next to me. We got a good hour or two in and to make it perfect, the sun came out.
It's those kind of days that remind you of your love for surfing. Beautiful Waist high waves, clean, sunny. So we call it a session and get out of the water cuz high tide hit and the swell ceased to be worthy of our presence. I make it back to my place and change up.
I figured I would walk down to the surf shop to see what was going on and on my way down I saw mike again. I offered to help him demo his shed he had in the backyard. Stoucer showed up and we went to town on the remaining pieces of the shed. After about an hour and a half of destruction we were finished. Mike had to be at a wedding for 2 and at that point it was only like 11:30 so we decided we should surf it up again. This time mike invites his brother Greg and his buddy Jay. Eventually shit gets organized and the 5 of us are rollin down to the beach.
we all get in and have a great session. Prob spent a good hour and a half in the water and all of us tore up the swell. So after that mike bounced and I headed up to my crib to rinse my gear and chill. Spun up another mini and headed downtown. I was headed towards the surfshop when I noticed Nikita and her gay friend. She told me that they all get fucked up with some chinese kids and showed them how to shotgun last night. I showed no sign of jealousy as I don't know any chinese folk so I didn't know what I was missing?
I eventually make it to the shop and amber tells me about the bon fire that was goin down that night. I walk back downtown. Grab some BILLS pizza. Walk through the arcade. Boredom again. So I make it back and the rents suggest we go out to dinner. it was an early dinner and JIMMY THE GREEKS sucks balls. After that, my father and I went down to the beach and I went in for a solid half hour.
By now the swell had almost doubled and I was paddling out through head high sets which is never pleasant after a long day of surfing. I rode two deisel waves and called it a day...especially cuz I got thrashed a few times paddling out. I was done.
So after I shower I spin another Lskie and head out to the bon fire. I get there around 8:30 and the raffle is already taking place. I meet stoucer, greg, jay, and one of their lifeguard friends to watch the end of the fire. We roll back to mikes because he said hed be back withint a half hour. So we get to the back deck and crack open some brews.
10 minutes later mike shows up and says damn I was missin the party, can I join? haha. so we all had quite a few brews, made a fire, and I was chatting to yet another new person, one of all their friends and we were talkin about our international travels. Also how I had managed to get that good good back from Amsterdam. It was a humorous time for all. Then we decided to head down to the night scene of OOB.
Drunken and walking we made it to the first bar and didn't even get a beer. So we leave cuz Greg said he'd be around soon and the rest of the dudes were down for waitin on the corner. I just left and got some pizza, a beer, and then on my way out of the arcade I saw them still waiting. So I was like fuck yeah I'll just grab a ride with them. Early night for the sake of all of us talkin about surfing early AM.
5 am rolls around and I walked down to the beach to see what we would be working with. Wash out. over the night the waves left our beach so it wasn't even worth it to go surfing. If I hadn't surfed so much the day before I would have just gone out but I was content with my surfing for the weekend. Shitty, cold, and rainy we decided to leave OOB early. Back in marlboro I called franky up and we participated in a lil burn cruise.
Parents took me to see Angels and Demons and as soon as I got home I felt like absolute shit. Fever, cough, sore throat, just shitty. I tried to sleep on the couch but I was sweating with chills, I could not get comfortable. Shittiness. 7 a.m. wake up and Chris drove me back to Springfield where I went directly to work.
Shitty now...but decent weekend
Friday, June 19, 2009
The beginning
I wake up at 6:45 a.m., crawl out of bed slowly, find my slippers and in a sloth like manner find myself on my front porch for my daily wake and bake session. I strive for 3 bowls before the shower but that amount certainly varies. With the fresh dose of THC I begin the monotony of yet again another day.
The way I see it, I am at a stepping stone...a very boring stepping stone. My theory behind smoking is smoke to enhance a circumstance. I repair handcuffs and work out, that's virtually my life. Mix that with endless contemplation on endless topics and I somewhere find the justification to smoke on the daily. Preventitive, calming, damaging. When weighing the pros and cons to smoking it's clear that it should not be done. Though I feel that if I were to simply stop
I would be forced to witness the realities of my life which is full of discontent.
Friday has arrived and I patiently wait for the time when I shall depart from work and further more this wretched waste of land called a city, Springfield. Maine is my end point and I shall enjoy, I hope, the beach and summer like weather this weekend. Dinner with the grandmother to discuss my plans for the future and then it's off to business.
Meeting a few people in town to discuss new opportunities in the world of making money "illegitimately". Seems like any time I go back home it's brief and I get the chance to meet with many people. I like that, get a taste of the past, the things which weren't completely dreaded while a constant and then leave. Seems like I'm never happy with one place. Seems like boredom will not leave me alone.
There must be a deeper cause to boredom or boredom may not even be the issue. One of the problems is self definition. I seek to define myself though feel hesitation in commitment to a path of definition for lack of clarity. Clarity in dreams, goals, desires. This is a cycle.
contemplation. inhalation. relaxation. monotony. discontentment.
The way I see it, I am at a stepping stone...a very boring stepping stone. My theory behind smoking is smoke to enhance a circumstance. I repair handcuffs and work out, that's virtually my life. Mix that with endless contemplation on endless topics and I somewhere find the justification to smoke on the daily. Preventitive, calming, damaging. When weighing the pros and cons to smoking it's clear that it should not be done. Though I feel that if I were to simply stop
I would be forced to witness the realities of my life which is full of discontent.
Friday has arrived and I patiently wait for the time when I shall depart from work and further more this wretched waste of land called a city, Springfield. Maine is my end point and I shall enjoy, I hope, the beach and summer like weather this weekend. Dinner with the grandmother to discuss my plans for the future and then it's off to business.
Meeting a few people in town to discuss new opportunities in the world of making money "illegitimately". Seems like any time I go back home it's brief and I get the chance to meet with many people. I like that, get a taste of the past, the things which weren't completely dreaded while a constant and then leave. Seems like I'm never happy with one place. Seems like boredom will not leave me alone.
There must be a deeper cause to boredom or boredom may not even be the issue. One of the problems is self definition. I seek to define myself though feel hesitation in commitment to a path of definition for lack of clarity. Clarity in dreams, goals, desires. This is a cycle.
contemplation. inhalation. relaxation. monotony. discontentment.
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