FW Castings

Castings for fashion week shows have been sporadically happening over the past few days. Before this week I had thought that it was difficult to plan work around my few castings but now I see how that was merely a watered down preview for fashion week. I've had to cancel numerous paid jobs for "big" castings and its a challenge because I've got to survive in the moment through catering and promotional work but the more shows I do, I am in a better position for success in the long run. Baa Hum Bug.

The castings have been going well so far minus waiting in the long lines to be seen. I try to study the other guys when they walk and see who the casting persons are sending away before even being allowed to walk due to their look so I can figure out what the designer wants before I strut my stuff. I've yet to be turned down before walking and have received positive feedback from the casting directors though no definite bookings as of now but one and it isn't even a menswear show.

I continue to struggle with accepting my agency. There were numerous designers that I was not sent the casting info for and the agency's reasoning, my book is not strong enough. I am still a newbie to the NY scene, yes but with the castings having hundreds of models why can't they just add me to the mix in hopes of catching someone's attention?! Perhaps there's is much to learn, perhaps I need a new agency?

My main struggle is with patience and determining the point when impatience is logical. How long do I allow my agency to hold onto me while I am discontent with their efforts? How long do I give modeling before I determine whether or not it is destined to be? How long before I get so tired of NY I simply pick up my belongings and move on?

I was walking in the lower east side this morning and acknowledged that the newness of the city which instigated awe and the feeling of being content in this city has worn off. I've acquired my geographical fix and now that I've adapted am stuck to face my personal issues of what will bring me happiness. I saw someone driving a younger VW Golf and it reminded me of my care free days of when I had my own 2002 GTI.

I could party well after the sun had risen, blow off work to chill all day, and travel where ever I had desired with whomever I chose and yet always thought of what life would be like in tibet, costa rica, or the military. I had achieved a scenario where money was no worry and I had the people I thought I had wanted around me present and yet always sought more. Is that my American Culture and I'm just being greedy or is it my human nature to bypass the fake or materialistic amenities of life and search for depth and true happiness?

No matter where the solution to my worries may lay, I must push on and endure the constant temptation to fuck it all. I am dabbling with a field in modeling I never would have fathomed being part of and am constantly venturing into unknown territory. When I was younger I could turn to others for guidance or advice and now I feel as if I must be the one to answer the questions even when my optimism fades and negativity takes hold. The key to my success is being able to acknowledge this, remove my thoughts from the present moment, and hit a refresh button. Perhaps that is what this so called blog is for.